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Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.
Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else.
Encouragement, and this phrase is arguably the most commonly spoken praise children hear. Instead of cutting off the conversation, you can say, “I know you want my answer to be different, but it will not change”.
You can also train yourself to make sure the child fully understands your response, with “I just told you my answer. ” This allows the child to present their opinion or get clarification.
We often try to teach lesson to kids about life at the most inappropriate times.
If a child gets hurt because they were doing something dangerous or inappropriate, they already learned their lesson.
“If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment)”.
You might say, “Erin, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day”.
Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.It is wasted words to try to express a rule when a child is upset, as they focus on one thing at a time.
Instead, train yourself to say, “You realized that you jumped off the chair and got hurt when you landed on the ground”, rather than, “See, that is what happens when you jump off the chair”.Train yourself to explain the reason behind your statement.